Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Gay Men: "Spaced Out" Substance Abusing Sex Addicts

This article on theLawyer.com caught my eye.

Although it was tongue in cheek I did find it ever-so slightly, lightly self-defeating, in a naive way. Though often that's the way when we employ stereotypes as a good-humoured "defence".

More concerning are some of the replies, such as this one:

I'm sorry, but all of the gay men I've known (and I've truly known - as friends - quite a few) have been heavily into gay pornography, substance abuse, and late night sexual encounters with anonymous strangers. This generally translated into a "spaced out" persona very similar to what you see with long time pot smokers. Homosexuality is not a personality trait anymore than alcoholism is, but like alcoholism it is a serious sexual addition that ultimately affects every aspect of one's life - just look at the life expectancy for gay men! As a senior associate at a large US firm I would exercise more scrutiny when deciding to hire a gay man (at least if i knew he was gay) just as I would someone with known addition problems. Doesn't mean I wouldn't ultimately hire him. He may be one of the very few homosexual men who have achieved stability in their lives and relationships. But I would be cautious nonetheless. And no, I am not going to apologize for my "homophobic" comments because they have nothing to do with phobias.

"Homosexuality... like alcoholism... is a serious sexual addition that ultimately affects every aspect of one's life - just look at the life expectancy for gay men".

Wow! Shades of Jan Moir. Anyway, I hope Jack Vance appreciates the gratuitous picture of straight cocky mockney type Danny Dyer. The gays will... (being gay porno/sex addicts).

But as was pointed out:

Jack Vance -
Many of the straight people I have known are heavily into pornography (along the spectrum from triumphantly straight to pseudo-lesbian and bisexual), substance abuse and late night sexual encounters with anonymous strangers.
On occasions this has translated into their taking unscheduled time off work and other commitments while they nurse their weary bodies and a sexually predatory attitude towards friends and strangers. This has resultant lapses in their efficiency, productivity and reliability.
But like you I am open-minded enough to look past these indiscretions and "truly know" them as "friends".
I forgive them for the fact that despite the backbone of church, state and law reinforcing the stability and ultimate preeminence of the heterosexual relationship so many of them choose to disrupt this paradigm through extra-marital affairs, casual sex and divorce.
My heart is so big that I am prepared to work with and would even recommend as employable many of my heterosexual counterparts, despite the fact that many prominent rapists, murderers and child molesters also happen to be heterosexual.
Indeed I believe so strongly in diversity that in a managerial position I would never dream of personally discriminating against my straight brethren, even though their proclivity towards reproductive activity means that may need to take time off for childcare obligations.
But unlike you - who can confidently say he has no fear of the homosexual - I must admit that as a gay man I have on occasion feared heterosexual individuals. Especially when the intertwining of sexual addiction, violence and ignorance leads to gay men being killed for holding hands in public spaces.

Hmm. Although not sympathetic to Jack Vance's point of view, there is something more overt in the acting-out of gay sexuality than straight sexuality.

For example, I'm not yet aware of a straight equivalent to Grindr. (See Joe's post on gay positioning system for his thoughts on that).

But then I don't pay much attention to the hetero shenanigans. Though this time Joe not only has a view but has recent experience...

I think that it's because as gay men we feel less constrained by society's "norms"; less constrained by a morality that benefits a different ideal.

At work plans are afoot to set up a diversity working group and I have volunteered to offer my services.

Some law firms are really into LGBT networks. I've been in two minds about that one. I need to get my thoughts together in a considered way before I set forth my views; in the meantime I thought this debate - as recently as January 2010 - would be of interest.

Although like Tom, I'd like to think that "hopefully one day this whole topic will be irrelevant in any case!"

1 comment:

Mike said...

Very good post. I posted a YouTube iv on one of my recent posts where Dan Savage gives a great talk on the main difference between the sexual habits of gay men and straight men is the constraining influence of straight women. We're not GAY men; we're gay MEN. The y chromosome, like alcoholism... ;-)


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