Tuesday, December 07, 2010

A Self Portrait #9

I'm guessing that at one point I must have been rather proud of this pic, appearing somewhere on my blog. Though I couldn't find the post I remember someone - perhaps Nik, rather appreciating this snap.

On reflection, I think I do have rather nice nipples.

Though I digress. Let's take up where I left off.

Talking about how my tastes have changed, I think the main thing that has changed or developed that sense of culture is my earning capacity. I now buy pieces of art, because I can afford to. When I was a student I had posters and things because they were all I could afford at the time, and that was fine, but I was desperate for the day when I could actually buy some real paintings. Now I have some real paintings and I eat fine food because I can afford to go out and eat fine food in more expensive restaurants. So a huge factor is financial—what I can afford to do because of the job I’m in and where I am in my career.

I’ve had three serious relationships in my life. The first, with B~, lasted five and a half years. Then he left to do his PhD in Vancouver and that was the end of that relationship. At the time I was brokenhearted. I thought I’d never meet anyone again. Then I met S~, and S~ and I were together for more than seven years. But latterly that didn’t work out. I thought that B~ loved me and I thought that I loved him. I did love him, but I now know that B~ didn’t love me in the same way that I loved him. S~ I know absolutely loved me but I guess we weren’t right for each other, and because we weren’t right for each other I just wasn’t there to return his love in the way he needed it returned—to sustain that equality of love on which a relationship can be founded and can work. I find it surprising that somebody you’ve loved can go out of your life. To have shared so much experience and given so much love to somebody only for that person to disappear and not be an important part of your life, other than historically, I find very, very strange.


Nik_TheGreek said...

You are a man of long term relationships... You can stick to a relationships for years and years and years... You're talking about 12.5 years just with your ex...

SteveA said...

Relationships - you've had two long term ones - that's more than most!


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