Saturday, January 15, 2011

Safe As Houses

I love the space in our house. Not just the actual space, but the space itself.

The former is the joy of having four bedrooms, three public rooms, two bathrooms, two toilets and a cloakroom (and cellar) spread over three floors and two mezzanine levels.

The latter is the comfort of the security afforded by the personal space that is home.

When I close the door, even although the outside world continues without me, only metres away from my front door, all around, I'm safe.

When the front door closes so, to, do I lock myself away from the oppression of daily working life.

My space, my terms, my self.

At a social function earlier this week, someone I knew told me a story.

He was cruising on Gaydar, and struck lucky. A hot young thing wanted fun with him, and was desperate to come round to his flat. He couldn't believe his luck. Some Über-hot 21 year old wanted to come round and play. Play with him. Even though he was (probably) over 15 years older. Über-hot 21 year old was open to all sorts of fun he suggested. Über-hot 21 year old turned up. As he said he would. Even better. This was going to happen. Hot Über-fun. It was real. He took Über-hot 21 year old to his bedroom. He undressed. Über-hot 21 year old unsheathed a knife. Über-hot 21 year old took his money, his mobile and his watch.

My first thought was how stupid.

My next was how awful - to be violated, in your safe space. I thought how I would feel. It would destroy my safe space. Totally. Perhaps forever.

As to the stupidity, I asked if he reported the incident to the police. He did not. The profile, he said, was gone. Besides, he had a boyfriend....

This, he explained, was last year. He now only goes out, and no longer accommodates.

Why stupid? I remembered my rules for Gaydar, pre-Xfe:
  • if it's too good to be true, it's too good to be true
  • swap texts and numbers; that way at least I felt if I disappeared there would be some trace, and less chance of it happening
  • how many profile views - high good, low less so
  • valuables hidden, watch off (my watch is very precious)
  • meet in public, then take home - point out the CCTV camera to him, mention the public who have seen you together
  • escape route always - whether that is window ready to open
  • less chat more risk; the perp wants to get there and steal
If I remember any more I will surely add them.


Nik_TheGreek said...

That's really awful. I'm glad nothing like that ever happened to me. I was always trying to be careful but to be honest you never know. And it's not just with gaydar, but with picking up people on bars / clubs...

Ben said...

Cheery old post, that!

Swapping numbers/texts, and meeting in public is obviously sensible, but I'm guessing most can't say they have always done those things.

And I'm sure most look back fondly on those one or two 'too good to be true' hookups that turned out not to be. I know I do! said...

Its a nice thought to follow these rules but most guys are only thinking with one thing when looking for a hook-up.

Lets be honest, Its suppose to be easy and for a lot of guys with no strings. Swapping countless txts is not always an option.

I guess its a risk you have to take.



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