I've blogged before about the dreams I have. My recurring dreams, or at least the recurring themes of my dreams.
The insecurity dream isn't a new one. It's one I've had before, though I'm not entirely sure whether I've referred to it.
It's the one where Xfe isn't my partner. Either (more usually) I have a partner who isn't Xfe, or I have no partner. I never know why I'm no longer with Xfe.
In each case, whichever form the dream takes, I always feel regret, longing.
A vague and constant desire for something that does not and probably cannot exist ... a turning towards the past with him looking towards the future without him.
This weekend the dream took on a new slant.
This time I'm in love with someone else, yet still in love with Xfe.
Having tossed and turned on it, and in the instant of waking, felt cursed by it, before the regret evaporated with the swift realisation that nothing had changed, I decided this wouldn't be a good situation to be in...